If that was your dad, he is hot
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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