Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
