Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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