How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
