i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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