Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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