I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
