he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Damn victory sex feels great
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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