Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
