he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
