Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
