You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
