Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
