If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
