Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
