Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just cropdusted the office
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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