This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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