3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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