I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
