What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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