What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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