i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
