Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
