Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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