I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
