Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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