the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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