i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
