I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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