im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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