Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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