This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
