I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize