Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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