woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
