the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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