The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
