Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
