Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
