Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
