just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
