My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
