Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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