You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
