"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
