i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
