Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
