i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
