This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
