I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
