I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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