so that wasnt chicken after all
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
