Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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