I hate all girls vehemently.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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