If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
