It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
