The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
