Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
