Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize