hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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