Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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