FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
3 2 1 whiskey
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
