Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
