If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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