Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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