how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
