you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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