if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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