I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
